I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
