I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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