genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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