Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
