He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That accounts for only three of the penises
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
