they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
