Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
