I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
