The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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