Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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