Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
