Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
