I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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