you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
