South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
