dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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