dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
