My nipple is on Facebook.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
