he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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