Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
