It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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