my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
