I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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