I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
