Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
