Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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