Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
