Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
