If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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