yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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