does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
