i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
