Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
