Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
