He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sex in a hospital.. check
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
