Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
