I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
