I'm going to jail i love you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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