She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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