everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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