Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
