I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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