yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
