I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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