HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
