he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
