Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can Purell be used as lube?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
