we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
