Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
