I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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